mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
lets have phone sex over walkie talkies
"I’ll make you moan, over"
- Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
- Cashier: Are you 18?
- Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.
you are currently a ‘basic bitch’ please upgrade to ‘premium bitch’ for only 3 payments of $19.95
I just wanna make you cum, make you breakfast, and make you happy.
it breaks my heart knowing that i will never receive a blowjob
what the fuck why do so many people think they will never receive a blowjob
Because we have vaginas
thinking about my music taste 5 years ago and my music taste now, i’ve come a long way and i’m fucking proud of myself