Everyone always talks about hazel and augustus but people rarely appreciate the beautiful friendship between isaac and augustus.
In the delivery room


mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

(via fake-mermaid)




lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

"I’ll make you moan, over"

"roger that"

(via armadillo)

  • Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
  • Cashier: Are you 18?
  • Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.

This is a picture from the Curiosity Rover on Mars showing Earth from the Perspective of Mars. You are literally looking at your home from the Perspective of another planet. Epic times indeed


you are currently a ‘basic bitch’ please upgrade to ‘premium bitch’ for only 3 payments of $19.95

(via definitive)

I just wanna make you cum, make you breakfast, and make you happy.

(Source: afrodite-xo, via duhmiriam)



it breaks my heart knowing that i will never receive a blowjob

what the fuck why do so many people think they will never receive a blowjob

Because we have vaginas

(Source: barfemoji, via duhmiriam)


thinking about my music taste 5 years ago and my music taste now, i’ve come a long way and i’m fucking proud of myself

(via armadillo)